People call me picky. I’m too apt to find flaws, they say. I don’t put myself out there enough. I date the wrong guys. I date the right guys and refuse to keep them. I disagree.
I’ve dated and dated and dated. I’ve put myself out there. I stalked the random video store guy into giving me his number in an extremely creepy fashion. But, one thing that remains the same—me, deciding he isn’t right, and moving on.
There’s always something. For some people it may not be a deal breaker. For me, it is. One might not give me enough space to be my own person, I feel stifled. I don’t want to make my life’s decisions around what he thinks or feels—yes, I’m selfish. I’m 23 and selfish and I don’t apologize for that. Another two might be perfect on paper, but the spark is just not there. They both should have been perfect—they had the same dreams, the same itch to travel, nice families, good looking guys—it should have worked with at least one of them. Not so much. Another one might be like talking to a rock, even though he is terribly cute. Another is perfect in the fact that he is rarely around—which was only screwed up by his disappearance...his taking himself out of my life without my permission or my knowledge. I might have stuck that one out a little longer. And, another one, well, he might just be too nice. I feel like if I can’t be honest in telling him that last Friday I got off work at 1 in the afternoon, started drinking with a friend at 2, and drank all night long because I am afraid of his judgment…well, where’s the honesty there? I don’t want to hide the person I am. I don’t want to hide the occasional afternoon of binge drinking. You get the picture.
I miss the spark. I know it exists. I know I have felt it before—and I have felt it deeply. That emotion that is unexplainable, and makes you believe that you cannot spend a day without this person. That every free second you want to either be with him or be on the phone with him. The one that makes you appear so stupidly in love that strangers get jealous. I know that feeling (I just knew it with the wrong guy). And I’m not going to settle for less. But, is it possible that I've lost it? The ability to let someone spark? To spark with someone? What if it's gone, completely...
Call me picky if you must, but I don’t think it should be so hard. Yes, it gets old. Being alone—being the single girl at the outings. Watching your friends live their relationships—the good and the bad. Knowing that someone is going to be there when you don’t want to drive home, or go to the store for you when you’re sick—I do miss that. It would be nice to have someone around no matter what—if I picked up the phone, he’d be there. But I don’t want that with the wrong person. It shouldn’t be that hard to find the person you enjoy just as much one on one as you do in a group of friends; that person who makes you laugh all the time; the one who you can be just as happy with reading a book on the couch, or out at the bar. The guy who knows your feet get hot, and buys you a Heath Bar on his way home from work (who needs flowers? Give me chocolate!), the one who knows you take your coffee black and your wine red, and that you have the weirdest opinion about cheese. I think I have found many of these things in several different guys, but all along, that spark never surfaces, and I am always able, if not eager, to let them go.
I keep holding out for one—not even necessarily “the one,” but just one who really seems to fit…and I think he actually exists…
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12 comments:
He does. And remember how it felt the first time?
It will be like that but better. (And maybe your best friend will like him!) Ha.
you are wise beyond your years. I think you are doing exactly what you should be doing. he does exist.
Oh, I could write about this for days...the whole way that people encourage girls to think about guys is ass backwards. The short version is that you are absolutely right...you never need a reason to want or not want to see one..."he just didn't do it for me" is plenty reason enough.
And what's more, why are girls always told that they should be looking for a man? If you happen to come across one that makes you tingle every time you see his name show up on your phone...then by all means, tingle away! But you can't define yourself simply by your search for a guy to hang out with.
Never, ever, ever settle. You have to be willing to go without before you can really know that he good enough to deserve you.
Ugh. I hear ya, girl!
I've dated and dated
and even dated for
quite a long time, but
stilll...here I am, 23
and alone. Psh.
Don't worry. The spark is
still out there. And you
will totally find it.
Have no fear. If there is
hope for me, which I believe
there truly is, there is
definitely hope for you
as well!
And about the Twilight
Series...I've heard
awesome stuff about them, too.
My sister has them all...
and loveddd...so I'm thinking
of borrowing and reading.
Which Jodi book did you
just start?
Where oh where has that little spark gone? Where or where can it be?
P.S. Where's the love for the girl who knows your feet get hot?
You're in my head today! He does...no need to settle.
As long as you spend enough time around people and are giving them the chance to start that spark you're doing everything right - someone just has to rise to the occasion = )
You absolutely MUST not settle.
Imagine your life with "he's really nice, but only does it for me so-so." It's not your dream & it sure isn't mine! In my opinion, it's far superior to be "alone" & happy with a life you've created with family & friends (& books & travels & . . .) than to have a life with Mr. So-So. A wise friend once told me, you've got to be "coo-coo for CoCo Puffs!"
Like Accidentally Me says: don't stress so much about trying to find him right now. Make yourself happy with the life you've created, & the CoCo Puffs guy can just be that--the dessert on top of a wonderful life you already have. And, for God's sake, you're still incredibly young!
Think of all the growth you've had in the last few years. Imagine what's still to come. Maybe waiting to define who Mr. CoCo Puffs is for you isn't such a bad idea? I know I'm thankful I didn't get my dream guy based on what I wanted 5 years ago!
Love you mega tons!
Sara
I am one of the luckily marrieds.
You gotta have the spark. Period. Over a long life together it comes and goes but you better start out with it or twenty years will become a misery.
And I absolutely believe people tell you everything there is to know about them in the first five minutes. Pay attention. Trust what you feel and move on. You are doing it just right girl.
I tell my daughter two things.
One he must love his mother. It is simple rally. Otherwise his mating ritual will be complicated and messy and this you do not need for the rest of your life
And two, believe everything he does and nothing he says. We women trip ourselves up with the "but he says..." who cares? Believe what he does and this thing called marriage does not have to be hard. You are doing the hard part right now. The picking takes a while to get right and then when you did your work and picked well the rest is surprisingly easy. Really.
You are a clever girl Jamie. Trust yourself
You? Are in my brain.
He does. You must not settle. You will find him. You are doing what you should and try to have fun with the dating! Maybe we'll introduce you to him this weekend!
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